Bad Music Pseudo-Journalism

Devil's Island Flash Game

2009-06-08T00:18:00.000-07:00

Hello you spanners. Here is another shameless plug for the author Frank de Sales and his new horror novel. It's funny what you'll do to support your crippling booze addiction.

For those of you that pretend to work check out this highly annoying flash game based on the novel Devil's Island. http://www.marginspress.co.za/FlashGame.html

Disco Cangaço

2009-02-11T02:37:00.000-08:00

Hello folks

I know it's been a while but I have had to put aside becoming an internet celebrity for a little while and behave like a regular jack off.

On my way home yesterday listening to our local crap radio station, I was quite delighted when they announced the next song to be played was going to Comfortably Numb (which was very surprising as said radio station never plays anything thats not on a top 20 list somewhere). I am by no means an avid Floyd groupie but i do from time to time enjoy a bit of the Wall, dark Side and of course Wish you were here. Comfortaby Numb brings back so many memories of being a kid, getting stoned and watching the Wall at a mates house on some pirated VHS cassette that was taped from Channel 4 in the UK and slipped through customs by your mates big brother when he went overseas to find himself or something, but I digress.

Imagine my surprise when I did not hear Roger Waters nor the epic guitar work of Mr Dave Gilmour, I heard the high falsetto screeching of openly gay and worshippers of tribadism disco quartet the Scissor Sisters. My mood went from complacent to dare I say it uncomfortably numb.

How could someone even as gimicky and unimportant as the scissor sisters have the gaul to cover this classic? More importantly who gave them permission to do so? I mean surely Pink Floyd owns the rights to their own songs, why would they allow this? Unless of course waters is broke and hasn't got any material for a new solo album.

Just have to get this off my chest FUCK YOU SCISSOR SISTERS! that was way offside.

Is'nt disco supposed to be about dancing wearing shiny pants and being flamboyant? Comfortably numb is about the pressures of being a rock star and feeling isolated and well ...being numb I guess.

I think this is how the formula works:

1. Do horrible disco rendition of a classic song

2. Give radio station Manager hand job to play record over and over again

3. Get song on Top 20

4. ??????

5. PROFIT!

I think rock bands should be more vigilant and police who gets to cover their songs, especially classics (unless your band really sucks then someone else covering it might make your crap songs sound a bit better).

I'm going to sign off as I might start ranting about another issue that seriously disturbs my every waking thought (the why Coldpaly won song of the year and rock album of the yeareven though the song is totally stolen debacle.)

Until next time, don't go changing fuckers.

Quotes from the Guitar Gods

2008-09-11T11:11:00.000-07:00

Hello internet jerks, for a change of pace I will share with you some quotes from guitar legends as I have nothing better to write about and plagarism is awesome.

"I smash guitars because I like them. I usually smash a guitar when it's at its best."
Pete Townsend

"I want a cunt transplant in the back of my guitar so I can fuck it while playing."
Punky meadows

"I always thought the good thing about the guitar was that they didn't teach it at school."
Jimmy Page

"There are any number of ways to get from one place to another on the neck of the guitar that I don't know about."
Tom Verlaine

"I would like to do something worthwhile, like maybe plant a tree in the ocean, but I'm just a guitar player."
Bob Dylan

"I never wanted to be a train driver, I wanted to be the best guitar player in the world."
Peter Frampton

"I don't have a love afair with a guitar - I don't polish it after every performance. I play the fucking thing."
Pete Townsend

"I started off writing instrumentals. My idol at that time was Hank B Marvin, Cliff Richard's guitar player."
Neil Young

"I was just a hired guitar player when we started."
Keith Richards

"If he doesn't strum a guitar and sing like a sex maniac, he's nobody."
Anonymous Groupie's Dictum

That's it for now folks as soon as i can find something else to rip off, You'll see it here.

Large Hadron Collider

2008-09-10T01:51:00.000-07:00

The Large Hadron Collider (The largest particle accelerator ever built) has been activated causing alot of mixed feelings about the results of smashing protons at 99.99 percent of the speed of light, such as my personal favourite quote on the matter: German chemist Professor Otto Rossler - that black holes created by the LHC will grow uncontrollably and “eat the planet from the inside”. Yes, EAT THE PLANET FROM THE INSIDE!

Apparently these scientist types think its a good idea to fuck with stuff like dark matter, black holes, gravity and the origins of mass. Why can't they just sit and think about this for a second, I mean I'm no science type or anything but i get a little worried when they start switching on a £5 billion proton racetrack, just to see what happens.

Douglas Adams says it best:
"The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair."

Quote from London telegraph: "The device is designed to replicate conditions that existed just a fraction of a second after the Big Bang, and its creators hope it will unlock the secrets of how the universe began."

I know we are all curious to know how it all began, but I think it's better just to sit in a pub and argue about it rather than fuck with things we know nothing about. Well hopefully it only blows up Geneva, France and Switzerland and leaves us the hell alone.

"The world will not come to an end when the LHC turns on," Prof Hawking said, adding: "The LHC is absolutely safe."
FUCK YOU STEVEN HAWKING

2008-09-10T01:11:00.001-07:00

Book review - Devil's Island By Frank De Sales

2008-08-28T06:07:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the weirdest ingredients make the best kind of recipes when thrown together. Sometimes they don't. Either way, the very right or very wrong mix is always memorable.
Frank de Sales' debut novel Devil's Island mixes gonzo-Catholicism, dark humour and the very disturbing to deliver a read that can have you laughing yourself sick at the top of a page and needing to change your pants towards the last paragraph. If Tarrantino had been an altar boy for the Latin Mass and gone into writing novels instead of directing movies, you still wouldn't have the right blend for the kind of things that escape Frank's mind.

What's Devil's Island most like? Discovering that the Blair Witch is after you, maybe, while you're unable to run away because you're laughing so hard. Perhaps its more like realising what's important and having that nerve-eating feeling that whatever you've dedicated your life to up until that moment doesn't match and that eternity can turn out to be a very long time. Either way, you're going to get entertained by the writing and stylish design of Devil's Island.

You can order the book here: To order Frank's book contact: 1-800 - BOOKLOG/ 1-800-247-6553/orders@atlasbooks.com (North America), visit your favourite internet platform bookseller or contact info@marginspress.co.za (rest of the world) Limited SA offering price: ZAR 120-00 (including VAT; P&P)

Frank has pretty decent blog too check it out here: http://www.frankdesales.com/FranksBlog/tabid/9645/Default.aspx

Will be back soon

2007-03-19T02:27:00.000-07:00

Hello internet pals

I am busy reviewing a few albums and i will post them for your reading pleasure as soon as they are done, or when i fell like it.

meanwhile read some of this stuff:

Till next time folks, hopefully ill have some reviews up by the end of the week.

Radio Playlists

2007-02-15T05:14:00.000-08:00

"Radio Plays My Favourite Songs..." I beg to differ.

Today folks being the extremely intelligent, journalistic virtuoso that I am, I will try and explore the mind boggling meta-physics of radio playlists.
I am going to be using bulleted lists to both emphasize my points and to make me look like an intelligent internet type. Mostly I'm going to complain about the musical phenomenon we here on the internet like to call "Jo-Jo".
Ok let us start:

Between 6:00 and 18:00 weekdays there are 5 djays on "Joburgs Number One Hit Music Station"
Based on an independent study by a very famous and extrememly clever internet personality (namely ME) JoJo's new single "Too Little Too Late" is played 8 times during the course of the day. (I have counted)
Wht the hell?

Let's break this down and explore a little deeper. (Prepare for another bulleted list)

15 years old (ok, ok Im not discriminating here, this is just an important plot point)
If my daughter had to start singing lyrics like:

"Ooh no
Come with me, stay the night
You say the words but boy it don't feel right
What do you expect me to say (You know it's just too little too late)
You take my hand, and you say you've changed
But boy you know your beggin don't fool me
Because to you it's just a game
So let me on down
Cause time has made me strong"

I would have to beat the hell out of her.
Even if Radio Djays had the exact same playlist (which I'm sure they do), even with my pathetic math skills (In high school they had to invent new letters of the alphabet to grade me)

"5 Djays + 1 Playlist = Same song played 5 times." INCORRECT 8 times is the answer
Yes your mind is boggled
As is mine

So as you can see by my amazing math formula and the amount of bulets used in this short abuse of free speech I am just as confused as you are, I don't even know what my original argument was.
Anyhoo Thank You internet

Introduction, Grammys, Rants

2007-02-13T00:55:00.000-08:00

Introduce Yourself Right On!

Ok its easy to bitch about music, but they make it too easy. That's why I started this blog, to hopefully find some like minded idiots that will maybe listen to an idiot posting on the internet with illusions of grandeur of becoming an internet superstar hurrr!

I will pretty much be bitching about music, even the music I like, I will do some CD and band reviews (though it will not be pretty, as the pish that is constantly being churned out and flooding our aural senses doesn't give me much hope or inclination to write good things about them), and I will constantly complain about the state of South African radio. (Yes I'm from Johannesburg, South Africa) I will try post at least twice a week, not that anyone cares, but i will try as I do have a paying job, this is just me trying to get at a piece of this elusive internet pie or something.

Anyway just a quick note I caught the last bit of the Grammys last night, am I the only one who thought that John Mayer looked like Edward Scissor Hands with down syndrome?
I'll let you think about that while you try to remember or google an image of "Johnn Mayer looking like Edward Scissor Hands with down syndrome" I rest my case.

Till next time internet friends
I'm out